Potshots
By Stephanie Kline
Cast of Characters
JAKE MCNALLY: Late 20s, a Marine veteran with a prosthetic right leg (below the knee)
SAM SUMMERS: Late 20s, a Marine veteran, Jake’s ex-wife
Place
A Veterans Affairs hospital room in Raleigh, North Carolina
Time
Fall, present day
Setting: A standard small square hospital outpatient room with a wheelchair, an uncomfortable visitor’s chair, a small window, and a door on the right.
At rise: Jake wears a hospital gown in a wheelchair. His prosthetic leg is visible. There are bandages wrapped around his head. His eyes are closed, but he is not asleep.
(Enter SAM, right)
JAKE
(Opening his eyes)
You’re here.
SAM
I’m here. The VA thinks we’re still married, so I’m your emergency contact. It's been four years. You have two kids with her. You never got around to filling out the paperwork?
JAKE
You’ve dealt with the VA. How long did it take them to get your shit straight with the divorce?
SAM
Way less than four years. And here I thought you couldn’t wait to move on from me.
JAKE
I called my family when I woke up and the doc told me you were coming. They’ll be here soon. You don’t need to stay.
SAM
(Sitting down in the empty chair)
And miss out on helping a fellow Marine in need?
JAKE
Ah, I don't miss that.
SAM
Oh, you don’t want pity?
JAKE
(Rubbing his leg at the attached prosthetic)
No, but I feel like you want to give it.
SAM
I’m gonna ignore that. You want to tell me what happened?
JAKE
Not particularly. And I’m pretty sure the doc already did.
SAM
McNally.
JAKE
Summers.
SAM
I drove three hours to get here and it wasn’t to hang out. She’ll be here soon and you and I both want me long gone by then, so get to it. I want to hear it from you. You owe me that.
JAKE
Stop interrogating me and I’ll tell you. That drives me nuts.
SAM
Asking how you ended up in the ICU is not an interrogation. It’s called giving a shit. That drives me nuts.
JAKE
Fine. Shut up and I’ll tell you.
(SAM mimes locking her mouth with a key and throwing it away, then flips JAKE off)
After you signed the papers, the guys took me out drinking to cheer me up. Everyone was too excited to be natural, ya know? They wanted to meet girls, but who the hell wants a messed up, one-legged, divorced loser who used to be in the Marines?
SAM
Wait, this is from four years ago? What happened last night?
JAKE
You want the story or not?
SAM
I want the most recent episode, not the full series.
JAKE
Anyway, so Brooks and Dominguez went to go talk to some girls at the bar. They bypassed all the eights and nines and beelined for this six. She looked embarrassed, but Dominguez said she liked me. Sure. The guys were the same. I was different. Nothing changed for them.
SAM
McNally.
JAKE
(Rubbing his right leg)
So, the six stumbles over to me, hangs on me, and whispers something about cheering me up. I knew it. They set me up with a pity fuck. I wanted to be pissed, but I'd do the same thing if I were them. Nothing proves to g-d, country, and your friends that you're still a whole man like huntin’ and takin’ down pussy. But this wasn't hunting. And she was no trophy. Doesn't matter. I went home with her anyway. And I never saw her again, until a year later when she showed up with a kid. My kid. And no place to go. What else could I do? I married her.
SAM
Jesus, I hope that wasn’t your wedding toast.
JAKE
So much for you staying quiet. I'm just trying to share with you like you always wanted. At least that’s what you bitched at me about for years.
SAM
No, you’re unburdening yourself, not sharing, which is what I begged you for all those years. You’re just trying to absolve yourself of being gross. And that story was gross.
JAKE
Good to know your burning need to be better and smarter than everyone else didn't fade with time.
SAM
From that story alone, I think everyone else would agree I'm smarter than you. Condoms are what? A buck each? And while we’re talking numbers, I'm thrilled that she gets to enjoy the ten thousand dollar master bath renovation I paid for right before you killed our marriage. I’m just overjoyed that my double slipper claw foot tub went to such a classy lady. Thank you so much for that.
JAKE
Why did you even come here?
SAM
Because when a doctor calls at three AM and says, ‘Your husband, Jacob McNally, is in the ICU after a suicide attempt,' you don't tell him you've been divorced for four years and to call someone else. You get in your fucking car and you drive to North Carolina. Tell me what happened!
JAKE
You’re not a Marine anymore. Stop pretending you can fix me.
SAM
Says the guy whose hospital bed I was called to in the middle of the night because he couldn’t be bothered to do basic paperwork.
JAKE
It’s the VA!
SAM
This might be the one thing that’s not their fault.
JAKE
That’s right. I’m just an idiot who never does anything right.
SAM
You think I enjoy treating you like a dumb grunt? We were married. We were supposed to be partners. But you constantly made me choose between dealing with your bullshit and being a good Marine.
JAKE
How did this become about you?
SAM
Because just like throughout our entire marriage, you can’t answer a simple question. What happened last night?!
JAKE
Also you never chose me, which I still don't understand. They did nothing but fuck you over time and again.
SAM
Well, the Marine Corps never stood up next to me before g-d and two hundred plates of chicken or fish and promised it wouldn't.
JAKE
(chuckling)
It was a good wedding.
SAM
Ours? Yeah, it was. And I always chose you. You were just too doped up that last year to see it. And even when you weren’t, it’s not like you saw me as a real Marine anyway.
JAKE
What?
SAM
How many times did I have to watch someone thank you for your service while you never said a word about me, your wife and fellow officer? You never stood up for me.
JAKE
So I’m supposed to tell everyone who thanks me that they’re an asshole for not thanking you, too?
SAM
I feel like there’s a decent halfway point between totally ignoring my service and telling polite, patriotic citizens to fuck off. But then again, I’m not a real warrior, so(…)
JAKE
Stop yourself. Jesus. I can’t help it that I look military and you look(…)
SAM
Like the spouse.
JAKE
Whatever, Sam. I have bigger things going on than your never-ending insecurity. Who gives a shit if they didn’t thank you? They were strangers! We never saw them again.
SAM
You knew it mattered to me.
JAKE
Add it to your long list of marital disappointments. Can I get back to that night, with the girl from the bar?
SAM
You mean the lovely six with whom you have two kids and my bathtub?
JAKE
What is it with the damn tub? Do you want it back?
SAM
She's had it for four years. It's hers now. It's just(...) I mean it's a double slipper soaker, Jake. I couldn't take the tub with me when I left, but believe me, I tried to save it.
JAKE
(Rubbing his right leg)
Nice to know you tried to save something from our marriage.
SAM
You're lucky you have bloodied bandages wrapped around your head right now. Speaking of, any chance of you getting to those sometime in the near future?
JAKE
Just let me talk.
SAM
Sure. Maybe you could actually start saying something.
JAKE
So, that night, after the bar. After she left, I felt worthless and just so angry. Angry at her, angry at all my friends, angry at this fake fucking leg. And angry at you for abandoning me.
(SAM balls up her fists and glares at JAKE.)
I know! I know I was the one who asked for the divorce. But I felt abandoned long before then. I felt abandoned by my wife, not by Lieutenant Perfect.
SAM
You never missed an appointment or any medication. I did everything for you, even when you treated me like crap.
JAKE
See? Even now, appointments and meds. Always on duty, trying to fix my deficiency. I needed more than appointments and meds, Sam. I wanted my wife.
SAM
You didn't want a wife. You wanted a doormat who could pick up your pills.
JAKE
My leg was blown off!
SAM
Half your leg.
JAKE
Fuck you, Sam.
SAM
You were a train wreck. You wouldn't eat, sleep, or say anything to me except "more pills." For a year. That IED killed my husband and sent me back a bitchy shell of a man, so stop blaming me for making you miserable years ago and just now acting on it. I didn’t make you try to kill yourself.
JAKE
I didn't try to kill myself.
SAM
What?
JAKE
It wasn't a suicide attempt, Samantha.
SAM sits. JAKE rubs his right leg.
That night, with the guys, and with her. After she left, I was so angry and just empty. That night, four years ago, yeah, I wanted to die.
SAM
What happened last night?
JAKE
Things weren't great with me and her, but when we got pregnant with the second kid, I started seeing a shrink. I was doing better. I thought I was fine, but I got that feeling again yesterday. It just came back. Out of nowhere.
SAM
The anger?
JAKE
No, feeling worthless. Totally fucking worthless. But I just couldn't call anyone. I was already drunk, so I drove to a parking lot and kept drinking with my Glock.
SAM
The 21? That I bought you?
JAKE
Yeah.
SAM
Can you not tell your mother about that? She hates me enough.
JAKE
Really, Sam? Just let me tell the damn story!
(SAM waves her arm in a “go on” gesture.)
Anyway, this wave of worthlessness just kept slamming into me, but, and I can't explain it, I just didn't feel ready to die. So I drank more and eventually passed out.
SAM
But you shot yourself.
JAKE
Don't laugh at me.
SAM
What?
JAKE
Don't laugh.
SAM
I won't laugh.
JAKE
Promise me, Sam.
SAM
Just say it already!
JAKE
I must have been holding my Glock when I passed out. A few hours later, I guess a car horn freaked me out, and, well, I woke up here and the doc told me I shot half my ear off in my failed suicide attempt and my ex-wife was on her way up.
SAM
(whispering)
You passed out with your finger on the trigger of a loaded weapon?
JAKE
That's your takeaway? That I violated the sacred safety rules?
SAM
I mean, yeah, that’s part of it. But (...) I (…) don't know. Holy shit.
JAKE
What do I tell my family?
SAM
Who cares what your family thinks? What do I tell our friends? You missed at close range, dude.
JAKE
Why are you here?
SAM
McNall- Jake. I’m so sorry.
JAKE
What are you sorry about?
SAM
I don’t know. What else am I supposed to say?
JAKE
Something helpful. Or nothing. Nothing would be okay.
They look at anything but each other for a moment.
I don’t know what to do.
SAM
Look, you’re going to be okay, cause (...) you didn’t want to die. That’s it. No matter what you tell them. You got another chance. And you build from there. With her.
(a beat)
But I am going to tell our friends you were suicidal. Bad enough I married an infantry Marine, but one that can’t shoot drunk? I’ll never hear the end of it.
SAM walks to the door.
She'll be here soon. And your parents.
JAKE
Yeah.
SAM
I'm gonna go.
JAKE
Yeah. Hey Sam?
SAM
Yeah?
JAKE
For what it’s worth, you were a good Marine.
SAM
Sure.
SAM holds on to the door handle, waiting.
JAKE
And a good wife.
(a beat)
Sam?
SAM
Yeah?
JAKE
Tell them I need to change my emergency contact info on your way out?
End play
****
Stephanie Kline is a Virginia-based playwright and comedienne. She was a 2024 New Perspectives Theatre Company Short Play Lab fellow and studied playwriting at the Kennedy Center, Washington DC's Shakespeare Theatre Company, and Chicago Dramatists. Her plays have been produced off-Broadway and internationally. She performs stand-up nationwide, and her jokes are featured on Amazon Audibles, ‘Strong Endings: From Combat to Comedy.’ Stephanie is a Marine Corps veteran and Army civilian.